He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We're too hungover to prance.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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