as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Shame is for Republicans.
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