It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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