just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
