Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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