it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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