I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
how drunk are you?
Several
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
