Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
