A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
