Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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