There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
