Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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