The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
