***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
