he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
