Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
