Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
