I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
