I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
