the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
