meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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