Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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