You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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