I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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