Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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