The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
