peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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