he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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