dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
