Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
