Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
