Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
