Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
