You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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