If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
