quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
