Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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