There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
