Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
