this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
