I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
