I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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