the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
