guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
As shirtless as possible
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
