A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
