you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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