please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
