How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
