Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
