You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
