why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
my poor anus
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
